Recently I have spent a lot of time re reading over old blog posts and realizing how much my entire writing style has changed. This in turn made the brain work pretty hard, and some where in that thought process I began to question myself. There was a time when I wrote for me, I was thrilled to type each word and elated at the weight that seemed to lift off of my shoulders with each key stroke. I had only one or two people who even followed my blog, and even fewer who ever commented. Though despite the lack of audience I was content to write. Over time slowly more people began to read my blog and I was thrilled because I wanted to share my story (my life) with others. I wanted others to share my fears, joys, tears, smiles.... However, I have come to realize that my blog has now become a bit too scripted, and day after day I feel more pressure to write the perfect blog posts, and to make my posts be something that others would be interested in... Honestly it disgusts me and has me questioning why I even still blog. The pressure has slowly sucked the life out of my blog and it makes me sad. I hate that I now look at my blog as another responsibility rather than a release... I feel like somewhere along the way, I lost myself and my blog is slowly turning into on of those crappy (scripted) reality shows. Things are going to be changing around here... Does that mean I will stop writing about topics that appeal to me? No, but I will for sure be writing what comes to my brain and I will no longer be spending endless hours in front of a computer screen trying to find the perfect words to say so that I am can have the perfect post and make my readers happy.... My blog is my story, and I want to tell it in the way I see fit. I want to bring the fun back to my own blogging experience instead of seeing my blog as just another chore. I may be all over the place but anyone who knows me, well you know that's me... Hopefully you will all hang out, but if not its ok, because its not going to stop me from sharing me story or writing my life in words. My story is my purpose, so I am just going to tell it like it is
That's how everyone should be. No matter what happens they should write when they came. and tell it like it is and speak from the heart.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I have scripted myself to the point of not telling it like it is, I think at the root of everything, I am still me, it is just that now I tend to think more about what is appealing to my readers rather than write what is actually in my head, hard to explain honestly but no worries cause as I mentioned this blog may become mass chaos and all over the place but from now on I am writing only what I want to write
DeleteI have written several of "these" types of posts.
ReplyDeleteI feel like blogging (like most things) has "seasons"... Times when I love to write... times when it feels like a chore...
I write as often as I can.. . for me....
If someone else reads it... great.
If someone else comments... WONDERFUL...
If someone else is helped by something I say while ranting... STUPENDOUS...
But, it's for me...
It's my safe place, as I am sure it is yours.
It is indeed my safe place. I started blogging (for myself) after my son passed away, it was sort of my escape from reality and surely a lot cheaper than therapy... True I had hoped that some how along the way, the chaos that is my real life would help someone else in some way, but above all I wrote because it gave me a release, then as I began to acquire readers I realized that in order to keep readers, I needed to give them something worth reading, more than just mindless rambles and thus blogging slowly became a chore, but I am changing all that, because like you stated, at the end of the day this is all really just for me.
DeleteIf blogging becomes a chore, then why bother? Good for you for refocusing on what made you blog in the first place. Readers will come and go, but you're the one who has to like what you do.
ReplyDeleteThank you, and you are so right... If blogging is nothing more than a chore why bother? I hope to change that, and get back to a point where writing is enjoyable. Thank you for the support
DeleteKimbra, I have these "crisis of blogging" feelings at least every other week. Thank goodness I have an awesome group of friends (they are a facebook blogging group) that kicks my butt, makes me laugh, encourages each other, and helps to make it through the 'dark' times. I hope you have a support group like that and find the path for your blog. Cuz it's good, so write on, my dear! :)
ReplyDeleteFirst of all thank you for saying my blog is good, I really appreciate that. Sadly I don't a group to turn to for a good butt kicking, but maybe one day that will change lol. Lately I feel like I have started to loose my purpose and hide in some sort of comfort zone... I don't like it and could use a good butt kick sometimes lol
DeleteBlog for you! Those that matter and follow you for your stories (big and small)won't care and those that care only about the next best post don't matter. There's a quote that always makes me laugh: Be the best you YOU can be UNLESS you can be a unicorn, than of course be a unicorn.
ReplyDeleteJae Mac, I'm Just Sayin'...(Damn!)
I want to be a unicorn lol, seriously though I like being the gray in a world full of black and white but lately I have become more black than gray... Thank you for the support and reminding me that this is my place and its more I important to make me happy then those who are only looking for the next big thing.... I think I am going to return to gray... Maybe I can be a gray unicorn lol : )
DeleteOh I so see my blog as my free therapy! But I totally relate to this. It's hard to continue to write for ourselves after we gain some followers. It's hard not to try to people please. I'm so glad you are getting back to you. I remind myself each time I write a post that this is about me no one else! Go you!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you. It is extremely hard not to try and people please especially for someone (like me) who is sadly a people pleaser by nature. I know that writing for me, could potentially mean that I will loose some readers, but in the end I have to live with it, not any one else, thank you for the support and the reminder
DeleteOh I hear you girl! It's easy to fall into the trap of pleasing others and forgetting about ourselves. Good for you for recognizing it and setting out to make things right! I'll still be here reading!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sticking around, I hope that you continue to enjoy the things I have to say... It is very hard not to fall into the trap of trying to keep those around us happy, but I can't keep forgetting about the real reason I started writing, thank you for the support
DeleteYou are so right that it does become a chore, but beyond that, in the bigger world of blogosphere, I think it's all become competitive. You have to get published somewhere besides your blog. You have to have a certain number of fans and followers and tubes of lipstick to be considered for such and such award or the wingy-dingy giveaway. Stay focused. Stay strong.
ReplyDeleteI don't know why but the trusty iPad is not wanting to cooperate with me tonight, I have replied like 9 times now and then this darn thing freezes up ugh! Anyway thank you for the support. I agree I feel like the big picture is that blogging had become super competitive just like everything else. It's as everyone in bloggyland is striving to be the one who gains fame and fortune or better yet becomes a published author... I must admit in ways I am no different. I would love to fulfill my life's dream and write a book, but even if that never happens I can't let that keep me from writing I started this blog as a way to heal after the loss of my son and my battle with cancer, yet some how I started to feel like I wasn't good enough... But not anymore, there is purpose in My writing even if that is only to aid in my own recovery, so I will write even when my writing isn't cool : )
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